When preparing gingerbread men for war, it is best not to cook them with sugar.

Todd Leopold, a writer for CNN, asked his readers to submit their suggestions for the worst song of all time. Tim W., with one of the most witty replies I've ever read, says: "There has been so much hideous crap released by record companies that choosing the worst song is like choosing the world's prettiest snowflake. It can't be done. The competition is too great. Good luck anyway."

Yeah. I'll be getting a chuckle out of it for at least a week.

Don't die.

A little SPAM can go a long ways when you fling it with a slingshot.

Elisabeth Economy outlines a few ways in which Congress can begin to chip away at China's attempt to regulate the Internet.

She says the natural response to "practices [which] directly compromise values that Americans hold most dear - such as freedom of speech and democracy" is emotionally, "as Congress has done." The current bill making its way through Congress would force search engines out of China or risk imprisonment or fines.

Elizabeth Economy, however, thinks Congress should reconsider the bill. She recommends "strong leadership from the Bush administration" who can "negotiate directly with China." She wants the focus to be on convincing China that Chinese "censorship of foreign-source Internet content has often resembled antitrade tactics."

Banning our companies from doing business with China outright would be a terrible move by Congress. Alas, Elisabeth's suggestions probably wouldn't amount to much - the United States has been putting pressure on China to recognize intellectual property with little progress for years. China is still one of the most rampant distributers of illegal software, movies, and music.

Don't die.

Preparing the ion cannon for annihilation.

Christopher Flickinger is a writer for the conservative Human Events Online and, like all right-wing conservatives, I find him to be an interesting character. I ran into him because he attacks Ohio State University for pursuing a sexual harrassment suit against a librarian who recommended four conservative books to incoming freshmen. After reading his article and then his source, I agree. The investigation is a waste of time, and should be discarded.

In the article, though, is an attack against the "liberal" college atmosphere: "Universities are one of the most hostile places for Christians and conservatives in America." Shortly after this undefended accusation, was a sentence which perplexed me even further: "Curious as to which chapter of the Nazis Party was running this university, “the Dean” of Human Events U visited the school’s website..." Nazi's? Liberal Nazi's? I'm missing a correlation. Never in my wildest dreams did I figure Hitler or his chronies to be remotely liberal. Oddly, most conservatives detest the idea comparing Bush to Hitler, but they are quite alright with comparing liberals to Nazis.

So, I decided to read another of Christopher's writings. I thought Student Sculpts with Conservative Firepower to be a good title, so I clicked. The article is about a "Blonde bombshell Kelly Spaulding" (on my rating scale, she's a 1) who created an "autobiographical chair ... sculpt[ed] around her conservative views." I like the chair: angels and tanks make for a great artistic combination.

Unfortunately, Kelly isn't quite as impressive as her chair. She states her "chair caricatures the left and their beliefs of what conservatives are: evil, war-hungry, mechanical, cold-hearted, the list goes on. Nevertheless, I find the duality of the chair with "angelic wings" ironic. It takes war to save people, to protect our country and our rights, and that it just part of what we stand for as conservatives." Which is a humorous stance, because liberals are certainly not against protecting our people or even going to war to do so. For example, in WWII it was the conservative party who argued for us to steer clear of the "Jewish war" and FDR who fought tooth and nail to defend Europe from Nazi occupation. Liberals, however, do have something against occupying a sovereign nation under false pretenses.

With no one to halt her ignorance, she goes on: "Moreover, the left wing on the chair is tucked down, lowered, to represent the cowardice of liberals that fail to protect our rights and merely attempt to hack away at them one by one." Although I recall nearly every congressman voting on the Patriot Act after the September 11th tragedy, only liberal congressman are reconsidering some of the language in the Act which restricts our civil rights. Our president seems content to spy on citizens without court approval, eroding a right of privacy which stems from the frightening and compulsive spying during the Cold War era (which was also done by conservatives).

I'll probably read more of Flickinger's articles in the future for my amuzement. Of course, if anyone has any far left liberal who writes as foolishly about conservatives, I'll be interested in laughing at them too (just try not to mention anyone at the Huffington Post because I already have a chuckle at many of their bloggers).

Don't die.